And if a Herzog remake of the Abel Ferrara ultra-gritty flick isn’t bizarre enough, Variety is reporting that Nic Cage is going to be taking on the lead role that Harvey Keitel made famous back in 1992.

The original was rated UK:18 (NC-17 in the USA) for its depiction of a corrupt police officer going through a plummet into the abyss with boatloads of drugs, sex, and gambling.  One particularly scarring scene (among many) featured a naked, crying Keitel in a church both chiding and asking for forgiveness to a vision of Christ.

Cage is not averse to remakes — the actor starred in redos such as City Of Angels, The Wicker Man, and Gone In 60 Seconds.

Velvet Octopus is working on selling a sequel to the cult favorite Donnie Darko at Cannes, according to Screen Daily.  Neither writer-director Richard Kelly or star Jake Gyllenhaal will be involved in the unholy project.  We suspect older sis Maggie (a.k.a. Elizabeth Darko) will also steer clear of this one.

Instead, the sequel, S. Darko, will star Sparkle Motion dancer supreme Daveigh Chase reprising her role as little sister Samantha. 

According to the report, the flick takes places seven years after the first one “when little sister Samantha Darko and her best friend Corey are now 18 and on a roadtrip to Los Angeles when they are plagued by bizarre visions.”

“I am a great admirer of Richard Kelly’s film and hope to create a similar world of blurred fantasy and reality,” said helmer Chris Fisher, somewhat contradicting himself by taking the job.

“I think there is a new generation of cinema-goers who will be very excited to see this film,” added Simon Crowe of Velvet Octopus.

Without any trace of irony, Crowe explained that “Donnie’s not in [the new film] but there are meteorites and rabbits.”

It’s not particularly new news either.  The two have apparently been engaged “for a little while,” but they’ve kept their intentions under wraps because “they want to keep things private,” an anonymous source that’s supposedly close to Ms. Johansson told E! Online.

Mr. Reynolds had previously been engaged for a lengthy period of time to Alanis Morissette, but obviously it did not quite work out between the two.

A wedding date has not been announced.

Scarlett will be seen next in Woody Allen’s Vicky Cristina Barcelona, while Reynolds will hit the big screen in Fireflies In The Garden.

A list of the most stylish teen stars has been compiled and it looks like the young power couple of Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens have both made the proverbial cut.  

Perhaps some good natured ribbing of High School Musical 3 costar Ashley Tisdale is in order.

“High School Musical star 19-year-old Vanessa Hudgens’ recipe for red carpet success is pairing simple hair and makeup with uber glam gowns. Case in point? Her loose waves and gold sequin Marc Bouwer cocktail dress at the 2007 American Music Awards,” raved Stylelist.com.

Her look can be found here.

As for her costar, the website is fully aware that he’s not actually a teen at all.

“Yes, Zac Efron turned 20 this year, but we just can’t get it through our thick heads!” explained Stylelist.  “Wearing a perfectly tailored suit and skinny tie at this year’s SAG Awards, the star looks poised to steal George Clooney’s title as king of the red carpet.

His aforementioned style can be found here.

The thesp confirmed that he has spoken to Guillermo Del Toro, director of the upcoming adaptations of The Hobbit, and that he’s definitely going to reprise his Lord Of The Rings role as Gandalf.

“Yes, it’s true,” he told Empire. “I spoke to Guillermo in the very room that Peter Jackson offered me the part and he confirmed that I would be reprising the role. Obviously, it’s not a part that you turn down, I loved playing Gandalf.”

The first movie should be easy enough, but the second takes place in the timeline right in between The Hobbit and Lord Of The Rings.  How is Del Toro going to manage that one? Is new material going to be added?

“Well I’ve read The Hobbit so I’ve got a good idea of what the story would be,” explained McKellen. “But as to how it’s going to work over two films and what going to happen on screen, well Guillermo has not got down to working out the major details yet – I can tell you it’s going to be amazing though.”

Normally, we’d scoff at this sort of advance optimism.  But let’s face it — the man is probably 100% correct. 

The single Violet Hill will be available as a free download for a week at www.coldplay.com, beginning on April 29 at 12:15.  

And that’s not the only gift for the public in store from Coldplay — the band will also be giving two free massive concerts in London and New York to celebrate the launch as well.

The first concert will take place at London’s Brixton Academy on June 16 followed by New York’s Madison Square Garden one week later on June 23. 

Snipes was hit with the maximum penalty for failing to file tax returns and the judge sentenced the actor to three years in prison.  He did not file tax returns for the years of 1999-2001.

“I am an idealistic, naive, passionate, truth-seeking, spiritually motivated artist, unschooled in the science of law and finance,” the Demolition Man star said in his defense, as quoted by AP.

“One of the main purposes which drives selective prosecution in tax cases is deterrence,” said U.S. District Judge William Terrell Hodges, who handed down the sentence. “In some instances, that means those of celebrity stand greater risk of prosecution. But there’s nothing unusual about it, nor is there anything unlawful about it. It’s the way the system works.”

The 15-year-old superstar has now signed a deal with the Disney Book Group for international rights to rights to her personal story.    We suspect it’ll sell a copy or two…call it a hunch. 

“I am so excited to let fans in on how important my relationship with my family is to me,” Miley Cyrus said when the official word was put out. “I hope to motivate mothers and daughters to build lifetimes of memories together, and inspire kids around the world to live their dreams.”

Naturally, DBG is quite happy that they struck the deal as well.  

“Miley is a genuine international sensation and we are delighted to deliver her first book to families around the world,” said senior veep Jeanne Mosure. “She is a terrific role model, and we are incredibly proud to give kids everywhere the opportunity to connect with her in an entirely new way.”

The book is scheduled for release around a year from now. 

If you’re a fan of the ASUS Eee PC, the linux-based subnotebook co-designed by Intel, you’ll be pleased to know that some new tweaks are on the agenda for the little guy.

Jerry Shen, president of Asustek Computer, has gone on the record stating that the company intends to launch new Eee PCs which will be based on Intel’s Atom processor platform in June, according to a new report by DigiTimes. 

According to their sources, Asutek has ordered 2.5-3 million Atom processors from Intel, while Dell has 300,000-500,000 ordered. 

Later in the year, new models with a larger 10-inch display will also be unveiled. 

Of course, it’s mighty hard find one a budget Eee PC at the moment, since half of the overall worldwide demand has been from Europe.  The company’s battery shortages have made it where Asus has only been able to satisfy 40% of the European demand. 

Shen has stated that a complete recovery should happen by the end of the third quarter.

Epic Games CEO Mike Capps recently went on a rant to IGN about how Nintendo Wii is like a “virus” and how he’s not really a fan of the games, either.

While explaining that Nintendo has managed to bring people together and how he played Wii Tennis with his family after 25 years of not gaming with then, he opined that “I think it’s kind of like a weird virus because I have not yet found a reason to play with my Wii since then.”

Capps said that he didn’t enjoy Zelda; he wished Mario had a “button instead of wiggle and all that kind of ****.”

“So I haven’t played anything that I really wished hadn’t been on another platform sadly enough,” he added.

“Everyone I know bought one and nobody turns it on. Obviously there’s a class of people who really love it and enjoy it and are getting into the games but I’m still waiting for that one game that makes me play it. Who knows, maybe Wii Fit will be it.”